Cater to Me

As a woman, you likely have a billion and one things on your plate.

Add an extra million per child if you happen to be a mother as well. Engaging in the fine art of balancing various relationships; from being a daughter to being a spouse to being a mother is already a full-time role. Add to this, navigating life as an employee, employer or entrepreneur, and you truly have your work cut out.

As women, all we seem to do is pour out. We pour out to our spouses, pour out to our children, pour out to our jobs/careers or businesses. We don’t even stop to reflect on how much all the pouring takes a toll on the balance scales.

Take a look at the scenario schedule below and ask yourself the question:

How closely can I relate to this?

5:00 – wake up – get yourself ready
6:00 – wake children – get them ready
6:30 – cook breakfast/feed the kids
7:30 – school drop off
8:30 – arrival at work
8:30 to 16:00 – work
17:00 – pick up from after school club
17:30 – home and get kids changed and cook
18:30 – dinner time
19:30 – bath the kids
20:00 – kids bedtime
20:30 – sort out laundry and get clothes sorted for school and work tomorrow
21:30 – work a little on that report due for work tomorrow
22:00 – trying to sleep but husband wants some sugar
22:00 – 23:00 – sugar activities
23:15 – finally time to sleep but it takes 20 minutes for your brain to shut down from tuning a 100 miles per hour
23:35 – finally sweet sleep
5:00 – alarm goes off – repeat it all over again

Admittedly this schedule may vary from woman to woman and from home to home but the sentiments are the same and this is: we surely have a lot on our plate. You may assume that the weekend would clearly be the time to rest and unwind but with the kids home for the weekend it becomes a time for laundry, groceries, cleaning, homework and leisure activities with the kids and prepping for the next week ahead.

The question one must ask at this stage is “when is it ever time for a woman”? When does she get to just be? When does she have a moment to unwind, rest take a breather and just do her?

For many women, the answer is hardly ever. We work, and work, catering for our families’ needs, going a thousand miles an hour and still manage to feel guilty when we spend an extra 5 minutes in the bathroom just to get away from the constant attention-craving of our children (and spouse 🙄).

Does this perfectly describe you? If so then please take a moment to stop and think this through: do you have a smartphone? I’m certain the answer is yes. Even your phone that is fully devoid of emotions requires recharging. The more demand you place on it by running multiple apps at a go, the more frequently it requires a full charge. With that being clarified… woman, you are not exempt from breaking down physically, emotionally or mentally. If you are overstretched or overworked and multitasking at all times, you certainly need to recharge.

A recharge does not always mean booking a 2-week vacation (though if it is what is needed, then go for it). It can simply be an hour in the day that is designated just for you. During this time you can read, nap, workout, catch up on your favourite series, go out for a treat, book a massage therapy or do whatever recharges your battery. Do you know why? Because woman, you can’t keep pouring from an empty cup.

The ending of the woman who continued to pour from an empty cup never changes. She runs herself to the ground and becomes mentally drained, exhausted, physically strained and resentful. A place that takes far more coming out off than what is required to stay clear from going there to start with.

I hear you shouting but how on earth do I take time out? My family need me, my children need me, my job needs me, and the business will fall apart without me. Yes everyone needs you but you need yourself even more. If you continue to run yourself into the ground you are being careless not caring less.

So, here are a few things you can do to reclaim some ‘you time’ and indulge in some needed self care:

1. Accept help from others! It’s OK to let hubby handle dinner or laundry or whatever else. It’s perfectly ok to leave the kids with grandma or auntie or even a qualified childminder or sitter so you can get an hour extra nap, or step out with the girls.

2. Stop working hard and start working smart. Why not come up with a rotation plan with your neighbour, school run buddy or bestie where they do they drop off and pick up a couple of days a week and then you do the drop-off and pick up for their kids the remainder of the days. Alternatively, hire a cleaner or someone to do the laundry just to take the stress off and buy you more time.

3. Say no! You’re already overstretched but perhaps work is piling more onto your plate. Learn to say no – of course within reason so you don’t lose your job. Take time to engage with your manager or team so they can understand you are under too much stress.

4. Division of Labour. If the children are old enough, teach them how to manage some aspects of their routine by themselves to afford you more time to yourself in the morning and or evening.

Self-care initially can feel very selfish. It feels so alien to deliberately engage in activities that seemingly only satisfy you. However, you could not be further from the truth – the benefits of you being rested, happier, energised and rejuvenated permeates through everything you do and anyone you encounter. A mother, wife or employee that is stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted is not going to be able to give much out to her children, husband or job compared to one who is happy, rested, rejuvenated and at peace. So no! Self-care is not just for you it’s for your spouse, it’s for your children, it’s for your employer, it’s for your team it’s for the betterment of your business.

I implore you to cater for your mind, body and soul so that you can continue to cater for everyone and everything else. The sooner you begin, the sooner you can start reaping the benefits.

By Belinda Boadu

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About Belinda

Belinda Boadu is the founder of the Atana Enterprise and Foundation comprising Atana Women, Atana Mums Atana Women’s Hive and Atana Men’s Hub. She is also the Managing Director of Impart & Impact a consulting firm providing services in business, career and education. She lives in both Ghana and the UK and has a loving husband and two beautiful and brilliant children, a son and a daughter.