The rise and fall of super woman

Abena is one heck of a woman!

I’m not sure I’ve met her kind before. She holds down a 9-5 job, runs a side hustle with excellence, manages her home with poise and looks like the epitome of a good wife and mother of 3.

Abena’s schedule is like no other. As an expert accountant really doing great in her field her role is as demanding as it is rewarding. After her recent promotion, Abena has had to make some changes to accommodate the fact that there honestly are not enough hours in the day.

With an 8, 6 and 2 year old at home she is balancing school runs, with meal prep, homework assignments, chores and everything in between. Her hubby equally has a demanding role and he does pull his weight but needless to say the bulk of the day-to-day tasks and chores falls on Abena’s lap.

About 2 months ago Abena started suffering from headaches. They started of mild at first, she would brush them off with an: “oh I think I’m just a little dehydrated ”. On days where the severity of the headaches were unbearable she would manage with some painkillers. The headaches were soon followed by bouts of dizziness and extreme lethargy. I know what you are thinking … perhaps some congratulations are due Abena?! Well let’s continue on and see.

She complained to her husband about her feeling unwell; he recommended she takes some time off work to see the doctors.  However, Abena insisted the timing for sick-leave could not be worse. With a major deal in progress at work, where she had a key role and it being peak season for her side business; taking time off was simply not an option.

To make things worse, her two year old has been home from nursery following a viral infection. Abena has been holding the balance between managing a half day here and there to nurse him back to health, late starts at work as well as leaving him at friends during the day.

Admittedly Abena is exhausted! She can feel the strain all over. From muscle aches, to being so irritable, she seems unable able to catch a break. It’s from one thing to another with no light at the end of the tunnel. The truth is if she does not do it who will ? Can hubby pick up more of the slack? Well he is trying but that makes little difference to her work schedule as well as ensuring everyone has what they need.

The headaches are getting worse and mum guilt is piling up! The sound of her children’s voices reverberate through her mind: “Mum you promised you would help me with my science project!” “Mum come and play with me!” Mummy I’ve had an accident in bed 🥴. It’s just never ending!

Abena was at work one day, right in the middle of an important meeting she was chairing. She suddenly started feeling uneasy. “I must be dehydrated” she thought to herself. As she was reaching for the water jug she noticed the room started spinning and before she knew it she was encased in darkness.

When she opened her eyes she was on a bed in unfamiliar surrounding. Her head was throbbing and she noticed all manner of apparatus connected to her. When she tried to speak her mouth was completely dry and she could barely make a sound. She noticed someone rushing into the room; it was a nurse.  “I must be in a hospital” she thought. With a faint voice she managed to whisper: “what happened to me? How did I get here? The nurse explained she passed out at work, an ambulance brought her to the hospital 12 hours ago. Her first thought was: my children! Where are they? Did they get picked up from school? Have they eaten? Are they ok? The panic sent her heart rate soaring!  Causing the doctor to be called in. After calming her down she explained to Abena that she suffered a mild stroke likely caused by severe stress!

“My goodness Doctor I’m only 38 years old”! Abena exclaimed. How is this even possible? I’m not over weight and I stay away from junk food as best I can!” Well, the doctor explained we are seeing more and more of these types of cases where young women have a very loaded and fast paced lifestyle. They hardly have time to look after their health and well-being and soon it crescendos into a prolonged stay at home because they did not take their person health and well-being as a priority.

With this Abena started to sob! “So I could have died and left my 3 beautiful children behind with no mother to care for them! I would not have seen them graduate, fall in love, get married! I would have never had the chance to hold my grandchildren.” Everything I ever did has been  for their benefit, to secure their future. All my hard work is so they have the foundations to thrive.  Yes ,the doctor said but unfortunately as you can see it has been to your detriment and if you continue on this way, you will work yourself hard into an early grave. You must prioritise your health and well-being. You must make some urgent lifestyle changes and take it easy on yourself.

Following these stark words from her doctor Abena stayed at home for 2 weeks to recover. When she returned to work it was under strict new agreement. Knowing that if she didn’t make it through this health scare she would have been replaced in no time; she made arrangements for a more flexible work schedule. She also came to an agreement with her hubby for him to participate in the school run and more chores so it did not always fall on her. She hired herself a part time assistant to help her with her side business. Now Abena has more time to spend with her children and has made sure to incorporate designated Me Time in the week. During these times she is free to indulge in whatever brings her peace and relaxation whether it’s  spa day, spending time with friends indulging in a book, or simply sit in silence without a care in the world.

 

Does Abena’s story sound familiar? Can you relate to a few of the patters shared? If so then this is a reminder to slow down! If you don’t treat your health and well-being as a priority you might not be there to prioritise the well-being of your loved ones! It Is not only impossible to pour from an empty cup but a futile job trying to pour from a broken one.

No matter how busy your lifestyle is, know that you may miss out on the harvest if you don’t learn to take a step back and check in with yourself! When you pick up any signs from your body do well to pay attention.

Go for regular check ups, know and understand your body and the signals it sends to you when you are over worked and over stretched. Know what being in sync is so you know immediately when you are out of sync. Most importantly  don’t delay in fixing whatever the problem may be! As women we tend to ignore going to the doctor, we are all experts in diagnosing ourself and self -medicating and though it has helped it may also mean you are missing important things that a professional will not. It is better to nip things in the bud early than to leave them till till it is too late.

Whenever you think of all the excuses in the world for why you can’t be mindful of your own health and well-being, remember the super woman Abena who was doing it all rising to the top but soon came crushing down and advice yourself accordingly.

 

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About Belinda

Belinda Boadu is the founder of the Atana Enterprise and Foundation comprising Atana Women, Atana Mums Atana Women’s Hive and Atana Men’s Hub. She is also the Managing Director of Impart & Impact a consulting firm providing services in business, career and education. She lives in both Ghana and the UK and has a loving husband and two beautiful and brilliant children, a son